Home and Family: Parenting Unconditionally

22nd November, 2009

Have you ever heard of unconditional parenting? Surely, there are many parenting styles that are used by parents. Being unconditional to children is one of the most effective. Parents are expected to provide unconditional love to their children. It is possible, but could it be interpreted or translated into parenting? How could anyone provide and implement unconditional parenting?

In general, unconditional parents are those who are striving to meet the overall needs of children instead of trying to control such kids with the help of rewards and punishments. Needless to say, most parents impose punishments on errors and misdemeanors and award rewards for good deeds and victories. In unconditional parenting, the concepts of rewards and punishments should be scrapped totally. It has been found that children who grew up in unconditional parenting styles are more likely to be confident about their own parents’ love, are more agreeable, and are more likely to grow as capable and grounded adults.

You should always remember that although punishing your child could be tempting, it could drive a wedge in your relationship with your child. Parents who are practicing unconditional parenting believe that punishment of any form could make a child feel totally alienated and also unloved. Time-outs, which are preferred by many as a non-violent punishment form, could lead to a feeling of being ostracized and being abandoned.

Time-ins could replace time-outs in unconditional parenting. A child having a tantrum or an attitude problem is a manifestation of that child’s need and desire to get more attention from his parents. The best strategy to deal with such a problem is to spend more time reconnecting with him. This could be spent cuddling, reading, rocking through a rocking chair, or hugging. Such activities could surely soothe any distraught child and purposely and effectively teach kindness and compassion.

Practice tantrum prevention. In most cases, tantrums are caused by any need unmet by a child. Do you want to avoid your child having a tantrum while doing unconditional parenting? You should learn to heed the indications that your child is not in any way at his best due to a need that is unmet. Basically, you should make sure that your child is definitely well rested. He should also be not thirsty or hungry prior to venturing out into any activity that could be overly stimulating.

When a child throws a tantrum, whether you are at home or in public, you should start looking at the unmet needs rather than punishing the unlikely behavior. You could easily spot and identify that unmet need. A child who has not enjoyed enough sleep is also more prone to throwing a tantrum. The episode could also be linked to the child’s frustration over parents’ inaccessibility or unavailability.

If punishments are bad, so are rewards. This is how unconditional parenting goes. Rewards could only condition a child’s mind into thinking that he would only be loved if he does well or behaves likely. Rewarding a child could be obviously manipulative.

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