Archive for August 11th, 2010
who says only the rich can play casino games? Well, maybe it was true decades ago, where only the wealthy can afford to go to five star hotels or sail on a luxury cruise ship only to play casino games. For nowadays, anyone will be amazed with the glimmering red and green lights, be entertained with the prettiest dancers, get excited with the loud music and have a taste of the most expensive wine as they play any casino games they like – right at their own home. Aha! You heard me right; you don’t need to go to drive half- mile to Las Vegas for you can now play your most favorite casino game through internet, popularly known as online casino.
Online casino is loaded with the same games traditional casino offers, may it be roulette, video poker, black jack, poker or the most played online slots machine. All that is required for you is to have a desktop, a good internet connection and then register to a reliable and trusted casino sites. That’s how simple it is; with just a click you can now participate to whatever games you like. If you are a Master you can go straight to real money gambling, however, for the beginners, playing free game advised before they deal with the real-money games. Freebies are also offered with online casino. Different sites offer different tokens like no deposit casino bonuses, free online slots, casino bonuses and many more. These freebies just made everything much excited.
So, why waste energy, time and money hunting for the best casino place in Las Vegas when you can actually transform your very own home into the hottest club? On your own time right at your own couch, so why don’t you drop your coin now, pull the handle, and cross your fingers. Who knows, you might be the next luckiest person in the world to hit the jackpot.
When I became a family law attorney/mediator after a dozen years as a therapist, one of the biggest surprises was the extent of lying in Family Court: lies about income, assets and even complete fabrications of child abuse and domestic violence. Why would people lie so much, I wondered? How did they get away with it? The following is my psychosocial analysis of what I believe has become an epidemic:
Men lie: It was a sad phone call from a relatively new client. He informed me his father had just died. He had quit his job and was moving back east to wrap up his father’s affairs. He asked me to tell his wife’s attorney that he would not be able to pay child support for their three young children for a long time. (There was no support order yet.)
The next day, his wife’s attorney called me back and described how upset his wife was to learn of her father-in-law’s death. So upset, that she had called his father — and had a nice chat!
Women lie: A mother involved in a custody battle told the court in dramatic detail about physical abuse at the hands of her husband. She even submitted reports of visits to doctors and emergency rooms for her bruises.
However, a court-ordered psychological evaluation determined the allegations were false. The court agreed and awarded custody to the father. A few weeks later the mother picked up the children from school and disappeared for a year. She was caught, sent to jail for parental kidnapping, and the children returned to the father.
Societal Increase in Lying. Surveys show that lying has increased over the past decade. In 1999 alone: the President was tried in Congress for perjury; a popular journalist in Boston was publicly fired for fabricating heart-rending stories; and a scientist was exposed for falsifying research on a high-profile safety issue.
We have become a society of individuals. Personal gain is more important than community values. In this mobile “information age,” we rely on strangers and are easily fooled. In business, politics, and the movies, winning is everything. Successful manipulation and deceit are admired. In court, lying is often rewarded and rarely punished.
No Penalty for Perjury . Divorce Courts rely heavily on “he said, she said” declarations, signed “under penalty of perjury.” However, a computer search of family law cases published by the appellate courts shows only one appellate case in California involving a penalty for perjury: People v. Berry (1991) 230 Cal. App. 3d 1449. The penalty? Probation.
Perjury is a criminal offense, punishable by fine or jail time, but it must be prosecuted by the District Attorney–who does not have the time. Family Court judges have the ability to sanction (fine) parties, but no time to truly determine that one party is lying. Instead, they may assume both parties are lying or just weigh their credibility. With no specific consequence, the risks of lying are low.
Personality Disorders and Patterns of Lying. Family Courts see everything: from small deceptions about income to the complete fabrication of abuse. The increase in lying seems to correspond with the rising number of people with personality disorders. They often have internal distress, less empathy for others, a highly adversarial world view, an intense and manipulative nature, and a sense of victimization which they use to justify harming others. Studies show they have identifiable and predictable patterns of lying:
A party with a Borderline Personality Disorder may lie out of anger or even self-deception in an effort to maintain a bond with their child or spouse–or to retaliate for abandonment. Battles over custody and visitation are common.
One with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder may lie to boost themselves or to put other people down. They enjoy manipulating the truth and other people’s lives. They may experience excitement and a sense of power by successfully fooling the court and dominating the other party. An Antisocial Personality Disorder is characterized by deception, manipulation, and disrespect for authority. Commonly known as “con artists,” they are skilled at breaking the rules. They fabricate detailed events and use the courts to get revenge or money. Their lack of empathy makes them constant liars — and often violent.
A Histrionic Personality Disorder is often highly dramatic and demanding, with superficial charm and seductiveness. They are skilled at lying and self-deception. Fabrication is also common.
Detecting Deception. Few people can visually detect deception. Research on judges, federal polygraphers, psychiatrists and college students showed that all were no better than chance using a standardized videotape test. Only Secret Service Agents were better than average at distinguishing truth and lies.
Some studies show that the more confident a person is, the less effective they are at lie detection. Studies of police investigators and customs inspectors found that those with more experience were less accurate than novices.
Ineffectiveness of Non-Verbal Cues. Many people believe they can determine whether someone is lying by observing non-verbal behavior, such as: touching their face, blinking their eyes, suddenly itchy nose, neck-scratching.
These behaviors indicate anxiety, which most people experience when then lie. However, most people display anxiety when they are under any pressure, such as being challenged about their honesty. Therefore, these symptoms are unreliable.
Studies show that the only way non-verbal cues may be truly helpful is to observe a person over time. Their changes in non-verbal behavior may be a more accurate indicator of lying. An additional problem is that those with antisocial personalities actually become less anxious when they lie, and therefore do not exhibit behavioral cues and do not register anxious symptoms on lie detector tests.
Effectiveness of Examining Records. Studies have shown that examining documents for contradictions has been more reliable than focusing on non-verbal cues. In fact, they have found that evaluators were best at lie detection when they were blind to nonverbal cues. Those who just read transcripts were the most accurate.
What Can Be Done? The adversarial process naturally encourages lying: winning is the goal, liars get equal time, and the most skillful adversary wins — regardless of the truth. To overcome this inherent problem, we need:
More use of mediation: Mediation and negotiation focus on problem-solving for the future. Lying about the past has little relevance. The parties know the lies and do not tolerate them.
More judicial time: Most divorce court decisions are made in 10-20 minute hearings. Judges must determine the custody and visitation schedule, the amounts of child support and spousal support, and often whether restraining orders are appropriate. There is little time to analyze each declaration to determine who is lying. Judicial lectures alone have little impact or the opposite effect on personality disorders. More judges with more time could reduce lying from the start.
More attorney research: Attorneys often advocate for their clients’ statements without investigation. They often assume they will never know who is telling the truth. Instead, they should learn about personality disorders and patterns of lying, more carefully question their clients, and more aggressively seek corroborating evidence.
More therapist awareness: Therapists are trained to form impressions based on interpersonal observations rather than external evidence. They form strong bonds and believe their clients. They can provide the court with observations of their own client’s behavior, but should not reach conclusions based on hearing one side. They need to be more wary of manipulation in court cases.
More consequences: It is an established dynamic of human behavior that rules made, but not enforced, are increasingly broken. Lying in court is already illegal. So long as there is no penalty for perjury, lying will increase. Family Court sanctions (fines) should be used for lying.
More training: Court-related professionals need to realize that you cannot tell who is lying by simple observation. Yet one can learn personality dynamics which help indicate who might be lying, patterns of lying and where to look for evidence.
Leading student accommodation provider UNITE spoke to 2000 parents whose kids flew the coop for uni in the last few years and found that time saved on domestic chores coupled with less to pay on food and utility bills has given them a new lease of life. UNITE has named this new breed of parent the Empty Nest Opportunist (ENO) and found that a typical three-year degree course offers parents:
- Three months’ worth of time saved on domestic drudgery as they no longer have to cook and clean for their child
- £583 more cash a month once they do not have to support their offspring full time – More energy
- feeling 10 years younger than when their child was at home
The average ENO increases their circle of friends by five people once they cut the apron strings, making three new friends and reconnecting with two old ones. The extra hours allow them to socialise three more times a week than when their kids were at home. And when it comes to love lives, 84% said they had noticed a marked improvement. A quarter (26%) make more of an effort with their appearance for their partner, while 15% now feel able to plan more romantic trips and enjoy their new found freedom. One in five (19%) used their children leaving for university as a chance to make a clean break and leave an unhappy relationship.
The majority of those surveyed now fill free time with a new hobby. House renovation, travel to foreign climes and keep fit top the list of most popular past-times but the research also reveals that ENOs have an adventurous streak. More than half (58%) stated that they dream of taking up an ‘extreme hobby’ such as snow boarding (19%), bungee jumping (17%) or white water rafting (11%). Some (5%) are even keen to try their hand at pole dancing.
Parents are funding all this fun with the savings made from no longer housing their kids full time. The average ENO is almost £600 a month better off after shaving pounds off their food and utility bills and using their additional hours to earn extra cash at work. Some entrepreneurial mums and dads are even supplementing their income by selling the belongings their kids leave behind. 41% reported they had made between £200 and £300 out of their children’s old possessions.
Commenting on the research by UNITE, Psychologist and Parenting Expert Dr Pat Spungin says: “While many parents find it hard to see their children leave home, the extra time and cash can bring about a whole new sense of freedom. While mums and dads never stop thinking about their offspring, knowing that they are safe and happy whilst at university leaves them free to make the most of their own lives.” The report also shows that far from suffering from the separation, leaving home to go to university has a positive affect on the parent/child relationship:
- 87% of parents said they get on better with their child now
- 34% spend more quality time with offspring
- A third felt more appreciated now their child has to fend for themselves
Shane Spiers, Managing Director of UNITE student accommodation says: “Providing safe, well-located accommodation for students is our priority. We understand that parents want peace of mind when their children head off to university, so providing a quality living experience for students, which allows parents to enjoy their free time without worrying is a key focus for UNITE.”
What four things matter the most in parenting? Could they be the same as the four things that matter most in life? It is likely they could be the same since our relationships with our children are some of the most significant ones we have in our lives.
The Four Things That Matter Most
In his book, The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living, Ira Byock proclaims these are the four most important things to say to those you love:
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.
I love you.
Byock explains “Comprising just eleven words, these four short sentences carry the core wisdom of what people who are dying have taught me about what matters most in life.” The book contains many moving stories of people who have healed relationships when they’ve been able to say these things to each other.
Forgiveness – The Hardest Thing To Do
One story in the book is about Avi who had been rejected by his father when he was a boy. He harbored a deep resentment against his father for his cruel behavior. When he found out his father was dying, he realized how much his hatred of his father was still controlling his own life. It was even interfering with the relationships he had with his own young sons.
Avi did not feel his father deserved forgiveness. Byock explains “It is wrong to think that people need to feel forgiveness in order to give forgiveness. Forgiveness is actually about emotional economics. It’s about a one-time cost that you pay to clear up years of compounded emotional pain. … Even if his father didn’t deserve forgiveness, Avi did. His father was going to die. Avi was the one who would carry the animosity and resentment in the years to come. He had carried them long enough.”
After Avi forgave his father, he also found that he was more forgiving towards his wife and children. “Without knowing it, Avi had been perpetuating many of the traits – such as being quick to judge, overly critical and rigid in his ways – that he despised in Simon.” It’s so easy to repeat our parents’ behavior with our own children, even when we’ve sworn we’d never treat our children that way.
Byock points out “Righteous indignation can be seductive, and even addictive, but unresolved anger is toxic to your happiness and your relationships.” Anything toxic to both our happiness and our relationships is worth the effort to remove!
Your Relationship with Your Parents and Your Children
The relationship we have with our parents influences the relationship we have with our children. Even if our parents have died, they continue to strongly influence our lives.
Mike & The Mechanics’ song “In the Living Years” captures it well:
“I know that I’m a prisoner to all my father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage to all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years”
You do not have to wait until someone is dying to say the four things. Expressing love, gratitude and forgiveness can be woven into your daily life.
Saying these four things to those who are most precious to you will strengthen your relationships with them. Try doing it today!
Several father and mother are not certain wherever to draw the line with guarding their little ones from germs. No just one wishes to become seen as an over protective be concerned wart, but no just one wishes to let their little ones get sick. For new parents, the line in between becoming loving and obsessive can sometimes seem somewhat obscure. You will discover so Lots of locations a youngster could pick up germs, from your hand cart in the store to his perfect friend at school. Previous to you go wiping down all of the hand carts with anti-bacterial wipes, recall that you cannot maintain them from all germs. You are able to only hope they are smart ample to always keep from placing the germs in their body.
The most critical point you’ll be able to do in this area is train your young children about germs. Often, they will make their personal decisions on what’s secure and what’s not. Make an effort to clarify how germs spread and how they are able to lead to you to get sick. You possibly have witnessed the hand washing posters in schools and public restrooms. These sorts of stuff are fine for kids since it teaches them the basics. There’s no have to have to produce them afraid on the outside world. Just stress doing items like washing hands ahead of dealing with food or touching your eyes.
Don’t train them being frightened or neurotic about germs. Utilising hand sanitizer for everything and in no way touching bacteria only can make children more susceptible to them. A little exposure to viruses is superior because you may create up a powerful immune system. Also acquire other steps to construct a powerful immune system, like making certain your young children get ample vitamin C and antioxidants. Viruses can only be so damaging when your body is strong enough to fight them off.
Just anxiety the fundamentals of hygiene. Teach your little ones to sneeze or cough into their elbow and to wash their hands if they sneeze on their hand. Ensure they wash their hands ahead of dealing with foods, soon after utilizing the restroom, and following playing with animals. In case you really feel it beneficial, get them a bottle for hand sanitizer for their back pack. However, be cautious with this. Using hand sanitizer too usually is just a little obsessive.
Also keep in mind that young ones all react differently to viruses as well. Some get ill further frequently than other people naturally. You can not assist if your little one features a normally weak immune system. With such youngsters you’ll have to be far more careful than others. Some youngsters will need to acquire additional vitamins and items to supplement their weak immune systems. Physical exercise and a healthy diet plan are also techniques to strengthen the immune system. Accomplishing these sorts of issues for your little one at an early age will also enable them later in life. Embedding the tactics of the healthful life model is 1 of the preferred things you can do like a parent. If it is possible to always keep them engaging in items like that, your kid will live longer and happier thanks to you.
About the Author:
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