Archive for February, 2010
As the teacher of three year olds, I find that children’s fine motor skills are often extremely weak. One theory is that now we place our babies on their backs instead of their stomachs to help prevent Infant Death Syndrome, and that has prevented infants from strengthening their arms and hands. Whatever the cause, we must find ways to help kids develop their small muscles and the kitchen is a great place to start.
Let your children help you make a salad by tearing the lettuce. The act of ripping is wonderful to help develop fine motor skills. At the same time, they are learning how to make a salad and feel proud to have helped prepare dinner.
On spaghetti night, let your child break the strands of uncooked spaghetti that you will then put into the pot of boiling water. They can help you sprinkle the garlic and parmesan cheese on the garlic bread. If you enjoy baking, let your toddler help. Kneading dough for bread, holding measuring spoons and cups, and even stirring batter, all help strengthen their small muscles.
If you are nervous having your children take part in the actual meal preparation, have a special container of toys in the kitchen that they can play with while you cook. Play dough, puzzles, safety scissors, and balls filled with sand, are all activities that help develop fine motor skills. Even coloring with crayons and pencils is great.
All the while, you can talk about the meal you are preparing or just chatter about your day. It’s a bonding experience that is good for your child, and you, in many ways.
Jungle safari baby bedding has quickly become a staple in millions of nurseries, due in great part to the fact that this charming theme always results in a beautiful, visually stimulating child friendly space. Linen collections that use this winning motif range from traditional and subdued designs to raucously colorful abstract renderings, but all feature images of a host of merry jungle and Savannah dwellers.
Before beginning to search for bedding, it is best to study your home’s existing decor. Whether your furnishings reflect a love of country design, or a preference for contemporary flair, or something else entirely, you will quickly discover that the baby bedding market offers linens that will reflect your style while ensuring baby’s safety and comfort.
Baby boy bedding is not hard to find, but, after an initial session in front of the computer, many parents feel more than a bit ambivalent about how to sort the avalanche of results that are produced by a single query. Compose a list of those items that you feel are especially eye-catching and rank them from least to most desirable. During this process you are more than likely to discover what sort of mood you want the bedding to promote.
While narrowing your search, pay attention to the basic features of the linens you have targeted for purchase. Make sure that the sheets and blankets comport to standard crib and toddler bed dimensions, and it is advisable that you only select bedding that use hypoallergenic materials. Well-informed parents also reject any and all linens that are overly thick and puffy, since these items can endanger an infant’s respiration.
Crib bedding is just one of several purchases you will have to make as you prepare your son’s nursery, and anyone who has been through this experience knows all too well that costs tend to mount at an alarmingly rapid pace. One way to keep expenses from spiraling out of control is to procure one or more crib sets, which veteran shoppers recognize as the best strategy for effectively stretching a dollar.
Bedding sets are available in different sizes, the smaller of which typically contain all essential linens, while larger collections include matching accessories. Some decorators may worry that the decision to buy a set will limit their choice of safari-themed bedding, but they soon discover that they are free to select from an array of decorative sets sure to create an enchanting realm for their little one.
Baby boy bedding is easy to find but what happens is that after a single simple query about the bedding put to the internet search engine, they are flooded with a vast range of choices which makes their job of choosing the right bedding for their boy a bit difficult. Give a rankings from the least wanted and the not so attractive to the most wanted and the most fascinated style of baby bedding after compiling a list of the same. When you go in for the choice of a baby bedding, more often than not, you would understand what type of mood your little baby would have through the bedding purchased.
Don’t forget to take into consideration the basic features of the linens you are going to buy and narrow down your search accordingly. It is advisable that the parents should go in for only those sheets and blankets which make a use of allergy-free materials and conform to the standard crib and toddler baby sizes in order to ensure the safety of the their little one. You should also stay away from too-think or overly puffy linens; they can make it difficult for babies to breathe.
While baby bedding sets can be found in a variety of sizes, the smaller ones contain only the essentials, and the larger sets come with matching accessories. There are designers who think that purchasing an ensemble will mean they have less of a choice of jungle animal linens, but they’ll soon see that they can find lots and lots of collections that will enchant their baby.
The ever-expanding baby bedding market now offers parents so many different colors and styles from which to choose that it is all too easy to forget about some of the simpler and time honored looks for the nursery. White baby bedding definitely falls into this category, since it has been a favorite for babies’ rooms for centuries, gracing the cribs of princes and paupers alike.
Many people initially assume that white bedding is all the same, but that is far from the truth. Inspired designers have created a plethora of all-white nursery ensembles whose styles vary wildly. Those shopping for white bedding also learn right away that they can choose from a number of differently textured fabrics, which contribute a great deal to the overall mood created by the linens themselves.
Some preparing a room for a son are initially prone to believe that white linens will, at best, produce an environment that is gender neutral, and, at worst, will mean they are sentencing a son to begin his life in an overly frilly and very effeminate space. While the traditional lace and ruffles are available to those who want them, there are other options for those searching for all white baby boy bedding.
hite linens would cage their little son in the beginning of his life, in a nursery comprising of crib bedding which make use of frills and visibly look to be that of a girl; the parents would realize in the end that their this initial thought has been belied due to the use of various textured fabrics and numerous styles and the creativity in the making of the crib bedding set. Although you can get pieces with all the old-fashioned touches, if that’s your preference, there are some very different possibilities in white baby boy bedding.
When you’re seeking a country look for the baby’s room, think about purchasing bedding that uses beautiful quilting and embroidery that defines pictures of flora or fauna. In the modern white nursery, many types of white bedding is used to make an elegant, minimalist statement. Due to the whisper soft micro suede also known as chenille which are incorporated in almost all white designs, your baby will feel the depth and comfort while using it.
Crib bedding , since it’s one of many necessary items for baby boys, can become quite expensive and make decorators leery about the price. The purchase of a crib bedding set allows parents to create a beautiful and welcoming nursery while spending less than they anticipated.
These ensembles can be found in a wide variety of colors, and are bundled together with crib linens. When you purchase a bigger ensemble, it will probably contain matching accessories that will make your job of decorating a coordinated nursery less of a hassle. You might start feeling dissatisfied with the finishing touches of your son’s calm all white shelter, just after an hour your set arrives.
If you want to create a rustic feel in the nursery, consider using linens that make use of skillful quilting, often including outlined images of plants or animals. Those with more contemporary tastes will not be disappointed with the wide array of modern bedding which uses white to make an elegant minimalist statement. Many all white designs incorporate whisper soft micro suede or chenille, which contribute a sense of depth.
Crib bedding is just one of many items that must be purchased before your little boy makes his grand entrance, and expenses can accumulate quickly, leading many decorators feeling discouraged. In fact, it is possible to fashion a beautiful and welcoming space for your child without spending more than you had anticipated– if you purchase a bedding set.
These ensembles are available in many styles and colors–including white–and bundle together all crib linens. Larger sets add matching accessories, which most parents find extremely helpful, since they can easily dress a room without the time and hassle associated with buying separate pieces. An hour after your set arrives, you could very well be fussing over the finishing touches in your son’s serene all white haven.
Most backyard playsets lend galore rewards to the voguish consumer. Notwithstanding, the painful contribution is most of these benefits tend to be unobserved. Most people who are purchasing such playsets the very first time are of the feeling that these backyard editions are very costly. While the initial monetary values might be too preventive for you, you could practice a little amount of explore to receive the exact backyard playset, which accommodates into your budget utterly. In fact, there are so legion options when it follows to backyard playsets along with contrary pricing structures, that there is no reason you cannot acquire a playset, which is inexpensive for you.
Gladden and adventure
If you omit the cost face of these backyard playsets for an existing you would figure that the Key and optimal reward of these playsets is the sum of play and adventure they volunteer to youngsters. With the gamut of somatogenic action admitted in these playsets, romp time for your youngster will be a fun activeness and something they will perpetually look onward to.
Couch potato syndrome
Most minors these days are so tempted by the fascinate of video games, television and the computer that they drop off out on the joyousnesses of outside games. Alternatively of allowing your kid turn into one of those couch potatoes, you could invest in a fine backyard playset. In this fashion, your kid will be surefooted to pander in numerous hours of non-stop sport, adventure and playtime and see the Joyfulness of the out-of-doors at the same time!
The other Distinguished reward of investing in the popular backyard playsets is that your kid will be resourceful to grant their vision operate easy. As we all acknowledge, kids have got exceptional imaginativenesses, especially when it comes to their playday activities. When you invest your child a backyard playset, they can instantly project it as something extraordinary more splendid and suitable than what you and I can construe! So, your child will be capable to translate these backyard playsets into something more meaningful and exemplary playing with!
The other big advantage of Holding a backyard playset is that you clear the assurance that your youngster is secure in your backyard. Dissimilar other frames of physiological activeness and playday sessions, where there could be risks of chance events, hits and other dangers, Carrying a backyard playset finds that your minor plays in your private backyard. Therefore, you experience that no matter what encounters, your child is wholly stable performing with their backyard playsets.
Deviation between outdoor and inside games
As your child grows up, they will soon visualize the deviation between outside and interior game activities. Experiencing this knowledge is central to fend off any illustrations of incoming accidents or trying to romp an inside game open airs and vice versa. performing out-of-door types of games inside the house can be unsafe because household objects could be well annihilated, not to refer accidents bechancing in the house. In this context, backyard playsets aid your youngster make the conversion from indoor romp activenesses to outside games.
Making children to be engaged is the most pleasing fashion for them to experience work out and keep physically fit. Wooden swing sets are undefiled for this resolve. Alas still, granted a selection between walking to the neighborhood playground and executing on their video game solaces, it is commonly the latter pick that acquires the Minors attending. But by readying up wooden swing sets in your private backyard you are gifting your minors a securer and more handy alternative for romp time.
Promoting children to go away and play does not have to be a miserable job for parents. Nonetheless, youngsters exact exalting activenesses to do and an fine position to serve them. With wooden swing sets set up at your personalized home, your minors can savor hours of merriment and sport without experiencing to proceed far.
Advantages of Backyard Wooden Swing Sets
Physiological activeness is vitally outstanding for minors. Regular work out plays a very prodigious part in forestalling numerous ills letting in child corpulency, which is a evolving headache among galore families. nonetheless, the tempt of electronic television, electronic games and the Internet imparts to the boost of youngsters as couch potatoes.
In exceptional situations, the trouble is uttermost bedeviled by unentitled factors, which may be existing at public parks and playgrounds. legion youngsters refuse performing at community playgrounds because of the presence of locality ruffians. There is as well a vexation about criminal characters lingering at common playgrounds. Safety is different most-valuable topic as some unrestricted recreational expanses have unhappily passed into a battered state.
Homes preferring for backyard wooden swing sets can address whole the foregoing issues. Such swing sets offer commendable chance for effective playtime without sustaining to handle with playground hooligans and child predators. Moreover, your minors can search and improve on what their physical structures are adequate of as they do divers activities all inside the guard of your home-set up swing set.
Preferring Supplements for Wooden Swing Sets
Affecting the adequate selection in selecting holds that amount with wooden swing sets is for the most part a matter of individual predilection. Still, knowledgeable what you wish your minor to take in physically, mentally and emotionally can facilitate you in amounting up with a decisiveness.
The grand swing installation is merely gratifying and grants youngsters to be habitual to motility exchanges and speeding. Summating a teeter-totter to the blend promotes an appreciation for working in concert with a playmate. Sliding Boards are constantly a adored possess among Kids and are in reality a principal aerobic physical exertion with sound the climbing, balancing and running needed. When playing with friends, your children will also study to share, receive turns and grow respect for each other.
Summational add-on to wooden swing sets may admit rope ladders, sliding poles, mini rock-climbing walls and monkey bars among other details. These all facilitate in amending your youngster s average motor sciences, mind-body coordination, upper and lower body durability and gross self-assurance. In conclusion, Making wooden swing sets will for certain hold your minor more consenting and securer. As parents, you can supervise and pass supreme time with your children while they acquire busy in their very individualized backyard playground.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where some people want to harm children and too often we hear reports of child predators and children being abducted. The good news is that there are safety products and resources available to educate you on the dangers of child predators. These products and resources will arm you with the knowledge and ability to properly protect your children from criminal attacks. The following safety tips are designed to instruct and prepare your family against predators and abductions.
Educate your child about the facts of abduction and who a child predator is. Be clear and concise in your definitions and be sure that your child can explain it back to you to ensure their understanding.
Make it a point to always know where and with whom your children are with. Introduce yourself with the parents of your child’s friends and familiarize yourself with anyone involved with your child, such as coaches and teachers.
Teach your child safe phone skills by instructing them to never tell anyone that they are alone or to give out any personal information such as their address. A telephone voice changer is a great product to teach a child to use to disguise their voice as an adult.
Inform your child to never to leave the house or yard without asking for your permission. Always contain younger children in a supervise area while playing.
Always exercise the buddy system and not allow children to walk or play in unsupervised areas.
Equip your child with a personal alarm or a child safety device that will alert you when he or she wanders away from a determined distance.
Never, leave a child in unattended in a vehicle, if it is just for a short time.
Inform your child to never talk to or accept rides and gifts from strangers. Explain to your child that gifts such as candy, money, and toys are often tactics used as lures by predators.
Teach your child to run away and scream if they are aggressively approached and or grabbed by a stranger. Explain to your child the importance of telling you or a trusted adult of any uncomfortable experience s that have recently encountered.
Do you wonder what kind of games to play with a baby besides peek-a-boo and patty cake? Are you wondering how to stimulate his mind?
The first condition for successful learning is that the learning experience should be enjoyable. A positive play experience will make your baby feel “I am good, I am successful”, which will increase his motivation to look for new learning opportunities.
Choose a time when your baby is alert and relaxed, and not when he is hungry and tired. Watch for any signs of discomfort, boredom or distress that your baby may express, so that he will feel that you understand him. This kind of sensitivity on your part will make him feel safe and want to experience and learn more and more together with you. Remember that a newborn’s attention span is very short: After birth it will only be between a few seconds to a few minutes. Adapt yourself to this span, which is continually increasing as your baby grows.
A few months old baby doesn’t really do a lot of interactive playing yet. As your baby becomes more mature and aware of the world around him, playing will become more natural for him. .
So what can you do? You can help stimulate his mind (and your own) by concentrating on his senses. Play lovely music and dance around the room, take him for a walk and show him flowers and help him smell them, introduce him to new places, let him watch squirrels in the park and dogs running on the lawn.
Talk to your baby a lot. Sing to him when you’re feeding him or changing his diaper or bathing him. Read to him. No, it’s not too early! Studies showed that babies respond to rhythm and there is a lot of fun books at your library. Your baby will respond to YOUR interest as well… so keep yourself interested and occupied and incorporate him into your daily life. You can also walk your baby in a stroller down to the local cafe and place him under an interesting light fixture or umbrella and watch him while you sip your latté.
If you need to get things done at home as laundry, cleaning etc, you can place your baby into a jolly jumper, playpen or anywhere safe where he could be near you. While you do your chores, you can play baby tapes and sang or move in a joyful way with the music.
You can get also get down on the floor with your baby. In spending floor time with your baby, you can just watch and see what your child does, where he looks, how he moves. You can see the world from his perspective. You could sing or talk to your child. Just being on his level allows him to communicate with you using all the subtleties of his nonverbal, as well as verbal communication.
Give your baby plenty of floor time. Putting your little one on the floor is the best way to support both physical skills and the development of a baby’s sense of competence. Babies who spend time on clean, safe, flat surfaces, free of infant seats or carriers, seem to learn faster about their bodies in space. They get to learn what positions they can get themselves into and out of. Infants who are playing on the floor are strengthening all of their little muscles they will later need to roll over, sit up and crawl and eventually walk.
Your child learns from everything in his world: the things he sees, touches, hears, smells, and tastes. He doesn’t need a set of fancy toys or other learning aids, at least not yet. Play is supposed to be fun for your child and yourself. Start by listening to your intuition and becoming familiar with your baby’s developmental stages, you will adapt your play to his changing needs, and create the appropriate play environment for his age and development. Your role in the game will change from month to month. At first you will motivate and stimulate your newborn baby then you will become more supportive while your baby is developing his personality and independence. With time the face-to-face interaction will not be satisfying anymore, your baby will be more curious and will want to discover using all of his senses. Your baby will become more and more active in his game with you. A game involving sounds and different noises, played by the two of you, will allow your baby to experience cooperation and interrelationships and to learn his body’s boundaries.
Keep in mind during these first few months, what your baby needs especially from you, is your love, your attention, and your time. Your baby needs to be hold, sing to, play with, talk to, read to, cuddle and praise. Enjoy this special time with your little one. It is a great age! Have fun.
Step2 Naturally Playful Picnic Table is a lovely picnic table that that all children will love, this Playful Picnic Table is the ideal choice for the parents.
Parents will be delighted to know how the table blends into the atmosphere of the garden without the bright colors usually associated with children’s picnic tables. It is a table that is easily cleaned.
Parents will not concern about the harmful rays of the sun while the children be seated and on the Step2 Naturally Playful Picnic Table. The umbrella shields 98% of UVA rays. This table can be used inside or outside.
For having fun in the sun or playing inside, the Step2 Picnic Table is perfect. For outdoor fun whether children are playing games, picnicking or comforting outside in the sun, it is a perfect playing table. With seating capacity of six children, kids and all their friends will like that it is made only for them.
This Playful Picnic Table from Step2 Toys is a kid’s picnic table combines outdoor textures and nature’s colors to offer a new fashionable appearance of today. This Picnic Table with Umbrella also gives excellent UV Protection.
Its rough molded plastic is easy to unsoiled and resists fading. It is an excellent table for picnics, games and projects for the kids. Ask kids if they want to have a picnic and they will get thrilled and will start jumping in happiness.
For children picnic is a chance for them to play in lush green ground and under trees and eat tasty food. Not only children even the older ones get excited in the name of picnic. Of course, everyone wants to go on a picnic.
If we capture this feeling at home with our own picnic table, it will be a great thing for the kids.
Step2 Naturally Playful Picnic Table offers a large range of picnic tables so that your family can enjoy a feast outdoors. A picnic table is excellent for when your kid has friends over and they are having a snack.
Step2 Picnic Table might seem just like an ordinary picnic table, but it is so much more than this. It is a hybrid table that doubles as a sand and water play station by simply removing the lid. This table can be used all through the year because it can be used inside or outside home. This Picnic Table, made in the US, is assembled with least work.
Step2 Toys Picnic Table is a nice looking table inside and out. One can use it outside for a water table and also for a picnic table. Then wipe it down and bring it inside for coloring and other indoor activities. This Picnic Table serves as multi-functional table, this picnic table features a removable lid to convert table from a picnic table to instant sand and water play station.
What can a husband do when his wife and their children don’t get along very well?
Let’s explore based on a man who had this exact situation…
“The issue I’m having is not between me and my wife as much as it’s between my wife and our children. The children and I have a very positive relationship whereas the children and their mother are constantly “pushing each other’s buttons”. So often, when I get home from work, my family is an emotional wreck.
My question is, how can I help my wife have the positive kind of relationship with the children that I have?
I’ll give you an example that happens often…yesterday, my wife was asking one of our children to practice their music and it promptly turned into a huge battle of the will’s…my wife pointing out mistakes and asking our child to get them right and our child becoming more and more obstinate and stubborn.
Today, when I got home, my wife hadn’t got to the music practice yet so she asked me to work with our child. The result was that our child and I had a wonderful practice that was positive, fun, and enjoyable for both of us.
Of course, my wife got very upset…as she usually does..when she sees how positive it goes for me and how negative it goes for her. In fact, she said, “Watching you with the children makes me feel like a total failure.”
How can I help my wife?”
Ok, connecting what I know of your situation with what I’ve learned from experience, I see two problems.
Here’s the first one…
A person’s strength over-extended is a weakness.
Your wife CARES too much.
Caring is good. Caring too much is a weakness and a problem.
Your wife so cares about your children and how they turn out that she’s literally driving them away — SHE is producing the obstinate and stubborn behavior that you describe. I suspect she’s doing this in all areas…the only exceptions being any areas where your children have a high level of interest and passion where they of their own accord are driven to succeed at a high level.
The music practice is a great example of what I’m talking about. Your wife so wants your child to be an accomplished musician…someone who’s “significant”… someone who represents HER well…someone who points the world back to HER…SO THAT SHE FEELS AFFIRMED…so much so that a “mistake” is unacceptable to her.
What I just said reveals the second problem…
Each person must live out their own unique life.
A child IS a person.
Your wife wants her dreams and goals fulfilled through her children…she wants them to be of higher class and capability than she perceives herself as being.
Your wife wants it to be the case that when the world looks at your children, the world thinks of them as so special and remarkable that they cannot help but think about how special and remarkable these children’s “Mom” must be.
This mode of operation…having a mental-map that drives a person to this kind of behavior IS HOW a parent DRIVES AWAY their kids and sends them off into bad/wrong directions in life. The more a parent tries to project their own wants and wishes onto their children, the more the children will reject and resist their parent.
The thing is, SOME kids will resist and reject while they are still a kid. But most will seemingly go along with their parents wishes and desires UNTIL they are an adult at which point they will reject and resist anything that reminds them of their parents.
So, the first thing a parent has to do IF they wish to be successful with their children…and if they wish to have children who are successful…is to realize and accept that EVERY person is a unique individual formed and fashioned by God to be UNLIKE anyone else who has ever existed or ever will exist…and to then support and encourage that uniqueness within each child.
A parent must realize and accept that they must pursue their own dreams for their own self and they must help their children find and pursue their own dreams for their own selves.
If YOU try to live your life through me…sooner or later, I’m going to reject that. If I try to live my life through you…sooner or later, you’re going to reject that. Any parent that tries to live their life through the lives of their children…sooner or later, those children are going to reject that.
It’s this way because God intends for each person to live out their own life according to the gifts and talents that He gave each person…so that they can fulfill their unique destiny and purpose…and someone who is trying to intervene and interject THEIR will into another person’s life creates a disharmony and division between that person and God…and NOBODY can live with that forever.
Now, let me harp on the music a bit…and hopefully make some useful points…
Think about this: who said the music on the sheet of paper that your child was practicing from was “correct” to begin with?
In truth, those notes on that piece of paper are just one person’s expression…and if your child’s expression happens to be a little different, so what?
Chet Atkins is widely regarded as one of the best if not the best guitarist of all time…and I heard him tell a story about making mistakes on his recordings…people would learn to play the song from his recording…and when he would play it “right” in a concert, people would tell him that he “messed up” because it didn’t match the recording.
Music is NOT about the notes on a piece of paper! Music is about expressing yourself…it’s about having fun…letting your spirit soar…communicating to the world real feeling…and who cares whether or not that matches what’s on a piece of paper.
In fact, a piece of paper is nothing more than a CONSTRAINING device that LIMITS a person from expressing themselves musically.
When I was growing up, EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL, my parents forced me to practice the piano for a FULL HOUR…and they completely drove me away from music until I was an adult who could pursue the kind of music I wanted to play…the beautiful music I had in my heart.
And I LOVED music…if they would have just worked with me…I would have been an incredible pianist…but, THEY wanted me to play CLASSICAL music…which I enjoy listening to…but did not care to play…I wanted to play the boogie-woogie / bluesy piano style…and that didn’t match what THEY wanted.
Further, I LOVED guitar EVEN MORE THAN THE PIANO…and even though my Dad could play the guitar, he refused to teach me how to play the guitar or to get me one so I could learn on my own…again, because THEY wanted me to play classical piano…it was all about THEM…instead of helping ME become the kind of person who could express himself musically through the instruments that I wanted to express myself through.
You know what? After all those years of that piano practice, you could give me pretty much any piece of sheet music and I could play it…I could answer just about ANY music theory question you could ask me…and I DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW MUSIC REALLY WORKED…no sheet music in front of me meant I couldn’t play anything.
But, when I put away the sheet music…when I said forget all that nonsense…I just want to express the music that’s in my soul…and I quickly learned the patterns and relations of the 12 notes in music…and now, I can get upon stage with my guitar…with ANY band…and I can RIP through ANY song…even one that I’ve never heard before…in ANY key…and people listening will be saying “WOW!” when I’m done.
In my opinion, THAT is what music is all about…it’s what ALL the music greats did. Go study the history of classical piano players…they were people who were hired by kings and dignitaries to play…and what they played was different every time they played because they were expressing the music that was in their soul…and the sheet music that we have today of their music is but a single INTERPRETATION of that music…but it was by no means the composers ONLY interpretation.
Ok, enough of that…admittedly, I was on a soap-box and ranting…but I had to say all of that…because it sickens me how many parents are forcefully teaching their kids to be chameleons of other people…they are teaching them to be followers of the “crowd”…and teaching them to DENY their true self…and NOBODY can truly be successful in life UNTIL their REAL SELF begins to assert itself and shine forth to create and bring about the good that God intends for them to manifest.
In terms of “fixing” this problem, the solution will depend upon how open your wife is to receiving instruction from you.
Possibly, just a discussion that is your own variant of the above may be all that’s needed for your wife to make the shifts she needs to make.
Myself, I tend to “teach” my wife by providing contrasting examples. What one person can do, any other person can do too…IF they do the same thing.
So, going forward, when you interact with your children, notice what your thought-processes, attitudes, time-orientations, outcome-orientations, perspectives, and behaviors are and share those with your wife so that she can take on your mode of operation and get the results you get.
Understanding how to get custody of your child is the first step in this long and protracted battle. The whole process is excruciatingly painful and immensely sad, but if it has to be done; it has to be done. Parents sometimes tend to lose their sense of reason which under the circumstances is perfectly understandable. They will say and do whatever they have to, just to try and get custody of the children.
To compound matters, you always come across parents who just don’t know how to raise children. They choose to live on their own terms. Their terms may work for them, but they are not conducive for children. All children need a healthy environment to grow up in. One also comes across parents who want to avenge themselves by hurting the other parent. They may not really want to get custody of the children, but will nonetheless fight the other, just to even the score.
Sometimes the judge may decide to gauge for himself which parent is more suited to get custody of their children. He may order them to undergo a Child Custody Assessment – a process through which parents can evaluated on their parenting skills. The parent who gets a better grade is naturally the better choice for getting custody.
A neutral party who can be detached and objective is usually asked to conduct this evaluation process. More often than not this party is a trained psychologist and hence is more sensitive and can offer some valuable thoughts and insights.
The aspects that are observed keenly during the child custody assessment are listed below:
To start with, the evaluator will try and get the child’s point of view. The evaluator has to be skillful enough in earning the child’s trust; the child has to be comfortable with confiding in him. For this, the child will be interviewed delicately and gently. It is after all the child’s well-being that is of utmost importance and that is at stake here.
Financial worthiness of each parent will be studied as well. Can the parent afford to give the child a comfortable lifestyle? The parent with the bigger bank balance does stand a better chance at winning custody of the children; however, just to be absolutely clear – money is not the deciding factor. But money is important and its significance cannot be undermined.
Parents interest in education. Even in the day and age we live in, some parents do not have a high enough regard for education and might neglect to provide for the same. If either parent comes across as being indifferent towards schooling and tutoring, the other parent could very well get custody of the children. This could be a critical factor in deciding who will get custody of your child.
Child abuse – a nebulous phrase of extreme relevance! The scope and scale of child abuse is more widespread than we would like to admit. Parents per se may not be abusive, but they could inadvertently be exposing their children to the same. Child custody evaluators will most probably interview other people in the parents’ immediate circle – like neighbors, colleagues, relatives and friends. Their perception on each parent will also go a long way in determining which parent gets custody of the children.
We accept that this whole process can be intrusive and disturbing. But we cannot lose sight of the fact that a child/children lives are going completely topsy-turvy. Everything has to be done to safeguard the interests of young innocent lives, first and foremost!