smartparenting

It is almost inevitable that at some point every teenager will go through heartache. This likely will seem like the end of the world to them at least for a short time and as parents you will worry about your teenager during this period. Here are some steps you can take to help your teenager through this tough time.

REMIND OF GOOD QUALITIES – a bad breakup can reduce anyone’s self esteem and this is especially true for teenagers who might not have developed their own reserves of confidence as yet. Tell her of the great qualities she has and what she has to look forward to and remind her of the friends she has who are there for her.

COMMUNICATION – your teen might not feel much like talking when heartbroken especially to his parents but ensure that he knows that you are there if need be. Keep communication channels open and remind him that you are willing to talk through what has happened if he wants.

GIVE TIME – don’t expect you’re teen to get over her heartbreak immediately, and don’t pressure her into talking or taking action if she doesn’t want to at least not initially. Teens vary in how they react to heartbreak and while some simply appear withdrawn for a few days in other feelings surface as anger.

GO OUT – if your teen is feeling down and moping around it could be that she’s stuck in a rut and doesn’t know what to do with her self. You can attempt to get her out of this situation by encouraging her to go out and get involved with new activities or meet with friends.

PAY ATTENTION TO WARNING SIGNS – while many teen overcome heartbreak and are back to their usual selves in no time, you should be aware that heartbreak can lead to depression.

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When it comes to disciplinary practices child expert and psychologist tend to discuss three parenting style; authoritarian, permissive and authoritative according to the book of “Younger Toddler: Month by Month” by Dr. Tanya Byron. These parenting styles represent varying combination of control and warmth.

AUTHORITARIAN – parents who employ the authoritarian style show a high degree of control and low warmth. These parents are strict disciplinarians with many rules. Misbehavior is often punished severely with yelling spanking. While authoritarians reward their children for good behavior, they rarely show warmth and love, this kind of parent believe that rules are necessary for children to remain under control, but children of authoritarians often develop a fear of their parents and may lie or become people pleaser as a result.

PERMISSIVE – this discipline style is the opposite of authoritarian, exhibiting low control and high warmth. Permissive parents worry little about control and give in to their children demands. There is little structure and few rules in a permissive household, but the permissive parent sees this as loving. Outsiders will often view these children as spoiled and kids or permissive parents often don’t get along with other children because they are used to getting their way. In addition, children raised by a permissive parent can become in secure and lose respect for their parents.

AUTHORITATIVE – while authoritarian and permissive styles do not teach children healthy wars to manage their emotions, authoritative parenting provides children with choices from which they can learn lessons. The authoritative approach, which is sometimes called democratic discipline, demonstrates high control and high warmth. It is balance of the previous two styles in which parents set limits, offer emotional support and employ kind but firm discipline. Children are treated with respect and learn responsibility but they also feel love and safe.

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Talking to a teenager may seem like you are attempting a conversation with someone from another planet. They are children trying their best to be grown ups. Communication during this period of time is just as important as any other time in their development, but it will take more work on your end than it has in the past to have an open and production conversation with a teen.

Here are some tips how to talk to teenagers:

1. Be connected with the teenager – one thing that continuously a run through a teenager’s mind is the need to belong to be connected to what is going on. Find some activities and conversation topics that you can both participate in and enjoy.
2.  Stop, look and listen – it is easy to get wrapped up in everything else, excluding the teenager. Take a minute to stop what you are doing or thinking and look for signs that he has something to say.
3. Set a goal together – it is natural to want to tell a teenager what they should not be doing. Instead, talk through any issue, good or bad that may come up and set goals on how to proceed together.
4. Know when to apologize and then follow through – apologies are not just for other adults, co-workers and strangers you pass on the street. It you have done something that you need to apologize for a loud outburst or an inconsiderate opinion, for instance apologize to the teen.
5. Show a respect to your teen to teach him to respect you too. One of the major problems that can arise with teenagers is an apparent lack of respect. Evaluate how respectful you are actually being with the teen and show him the courtesy and respect that you would like to be treated with.

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